So where does the story of a person begin? The moment he or she enters adulthood? The moment a person begins to understand her or his instincts? But surely their young life and experiences make them the person they become?
Or does the story of a person begin, in fact, much earlier than their individual existence? Before her or his time, in the genetics of the people who came before them, who lived, loved and hurt, centuries before?
Yes, I believe, their story begins with the first person who walked this earth. It continues with all the people that followed and walked this earth in many times and spaces. People of all classes and colours. We are all connected. We all share the same experiences that have been programmed into our systems. The same stories that shape us and have made us who we are. Some things we share in common.
New Dawn, New Days...
It is so clear today when you see so many people trying to shed the lies they have been believing about themselves for so long. Countless people understanding that the voices in their heads are imposters that are overpowering their true powerful selves, caging the wild and creative creatures that systems of control have been afraid to release.
All of us are feeling it in some way or the other. As women we are experiencing, what is sometimes called the age of 'divine feminine rebirth'*. It is powerful, it is a beautiful time to be alive for women. But it is only the beginning. We are only just realising that we are to come out of a cage. So many of us, and I speak from experience, don't know how.
What I've been doing is following my instincts. Trying not to be afraid of the things that feel right. Try and learn to distinguish between the imposing voices in my head and the voices of truth that echo from the depths of my being. The more I listen, the louder they get. But I still often feel aimless, clueless and then return to questioning myself. (How many of you are experiencing this right now?)
So when does our story begin?
My story begins now. It begins now because now I want to tell it. And when I say that, I simply mean, that I want to come out of the shadows of a construct, and allow myself to 'Be'. I am nobody but I am somebody. I am not somebody with an extraordinary story, although many people would disagree and find my family history fascinating. But in most ways I am just another woman, who from early on was made to believe she has to make herself small in order to be adequate, that she was not to be too loud, as to not be obnoxious, not too heavy to look the part, but not too skinny to show signs of ill health. The truth is I spent a lot of time making sure I am what I am expected to be, without spending any time at all thinking about who I really want to be.
So that brings me to today. I am 38 years old, mother of 2 girls, and if you ask my 9 year old who she wants to be when she grows up, she has a clearer idea than I have ever had. And really, she already knows who she is, and I hope I can guide her in keeping it that way.
I know one thing though. I don't want to live to play a part that pleases the masses anymore (or what I think pleases the masses, because really, 'the masses' don't want anything from me) The funny thing is, I never was the kind of girl who seemed to be playing by the rules. Always a rebel somehow but even so, I was somehow playing by the rules. I was just enough adequate to be a totally acceptable rebel. And really, I wasn't a rebel at all, I was, one way or the other, looking for acceptance. I played the role that my mind, shaped by history and society, constructed. So I didn't really rebel at all. In fact, it is now that I feel like a real rebel. The one that sees the constructs of her mind and despite all the discomfort of the ego, just wants to find that 'true self' within.
Wild and Free
And when I say I am 'wild and free', I don't speak of a particular image. I don't mean I am running through meadows, bare feet and whatever other hippie image we cook up in our heads (although all of that is something I do love doing on occasion :)).
Wild and free looks different for everyone. 'Wild' means untamed by the expectations that our constructs put on ourselves. Wild means really feeling our deep inner selves and allowing that light to come to the surface and shine bright. Why is that wild? Because the idea of our true selves is somehow pretty crazy to us. It is new, different, undiscovered and 'unmoulded' by any human experience. Just like an undiscovered island on which nature has been untouched and grows wild. You arrive to this island of wild natural beauty and make it your own. 'Free' then, means that this wildness has been uncaged and you walk this earth in your own sovereignty.
You and Me Both
I think my story of self determination is a collective one. So, back to my question. What's your story? I have a feeling that your story, though maybe told with other words, goes something like this too...
*I speak here about women, because that is the biology I was born into and I can't claim to know much about the collective psyche of men.